The holiday season can feel overwhelming, but a therapist says the key to peace is simple: choose connection over perfection.
Why the Pressure
The constant buzz of shopping, decorating, baking and hosting can leave little room for real human connection. “It’s amazing how quickly I am able to let go of less important things when I keep those three words (connection over perfection) in mind,” says Niro Feliciano, a mental psychotherapist and TODAY contributor.
The Mantra
Feliciano’s book, All Is Calmish, centers on the mantra “connection over perfection.” In a conversation with TODAY.com she explained that this phrase is a reminder to slow down and prioritize moments that matter over flawless execution.
Research Behind Connection
She cites the Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 85‑year‑old research project. One finding highlighted that feeling satisfied with relationships at age 50 is more strongly linked to good physical health at age 80 than cholesterol levels. The study underscores how meaningful social ties can protect well‑being.
Practical Tips
- Slow down: Choose specific moments during the holidays to focus on connection rather than perfection.
- Simplify meals: Set out platters for an event instead of preparing an elaborate meal so you can enjoy company instead of fussing over food.
- Pick what matters: For Feliciano, the annual white elephant game with close friends is a favorite because it sparks laughter and genuine connection through vulnerability.
- Remember the numbers: “These numbers speak for themselves. Connection protects us, fulfills us, and keeps us alive,” she writes.
Key Takeaways
- Prioritizing connection over perfection can reduce holiday stress.
- Long‑term research shows social satisfaction predicts better health later in life.
- Small changes—like simplifying meals and choosing meaningful activities—can foster deeper bonds.
The message is clear: this holiday season, swap the pressure to be perfect for the simple act of connecting with loved ones.
Hi, I’m Ethan R. Coleman, a dedicated journalist and content creator at newsoflosangeles.com — your trusted source for the latest news, insights, and stories from Los Angeles and beyond.
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