> At a Glance
> – A healthcare worker and primary breadwinner says her PTO is burned on nursery closures while her husband saves his for “child-free” leisure
> – She covers the mortgage, nursery fees, and most childcare, calling the setup “relentless” and unfair
> – Forum users urge her to calendar every closure and split duty without asking permission
> – Why it matters: The post spotlights how unpaid labor still defaults to higher-earning moms
A Mumsnet post from a self-described “default parent” is striking a chord after she revealed that every holiday and nursery shutdown lands on her paid time off while her husband stockpiles his for solo relaxation.
The Festive Burnout
The mom, who works in healthcare, wrote she finished Christmas “absolutely knackered” because she took leave to cover their 21-month-old’s nursery closure. Her husband, employed in sport, worked straight through the holidays and banked his days for future personal use.
> “My job is already exhausting and emotionally draining, and this leave is meant to be precious recovery time… except it hasn’t been a break at all.”
She noted that she earns roughly double his salary, pays the bulk of the mortgage and bills, and funds the full nursery bill. Still, she absorbs every logistics gap.
The PTO Divide
Her summary of the split:
- Her leave: automatic childcare cover
- His leave: “protected for rest and enjoyment”
She called the imbalance “completely unfair” and admitted growing resentment at being the perpetual fallback.
Forum Advice: Calendar Coup
Commenters told her to drop the debate and shift to action:
- Print the year’s nursery-closure list
- Allocate half to each partner
- Write the plan down before discussion starts
- Treat the split as the baseline, not a request
> “The imbalance is striking, and it can’t continue,” one user wrote.
Key Takeaways
- A high-earning mom still carries the mental load of every nursery closure
- Her post shows how financial contribution doesn’t equal household leverage
- Fellow parents recommend pre-assigning leave instead of negotiating case-by-case
The thread ends with her resolve to reset the balance as the new year begins.
