Psychotherapist Urges Holidayers to Prioritize Connection Over Perfection

In the midst of holiday preparations, the pressure to have everything perfect can be overwhelming. Psychotherapist and TODAY contributor Niro Feliciano urges people to ditch the pursuit of perfection this season and focus instead on connection.

The Call to Connection

Feliciano’s newest book, All Is Calmish, centers on the mantra “connection over perfection.” She writes to TODAY.com that the holiday season often leaves little room for meaningful relationships because people are busy doing, decorating, buying, and baking. “It’s amazing how quickly I am able to let go of less important things when I keep those three words (connection over perfection) in mind,” she says. “We can choose specific moments during the holidays to go slower and focus on connection over perfection. Perhaps we have to simplify life where we can, to be more present.”

Research That Backes It

The therapist points to long‑term studies that show the health benefits of social connection. She cites the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been running for 85 years. One finding from that data is that feeling satisfied with your relationships at age 50 is more strongly correlated to good physical health at age 80 than cholesterol levels. Feliciano notes that many Americans are struggling with loneliness, which can lead to depression, heart disease, and dementia. “These numbers speak for themselves. Connection protects us, fulfills us, and keeps us alive,” she writes in her book.

Practical Steps for the Holidays

Feliciano’s first piece of advice is to “slow down” and “choose specific moments during the holidays” to prioritize connection over perfection. She suggests, for example, setting out platters for an event rather than preparing an elaborate meal so you can enjoy the company of others instead of fussing over food. To begin, she recommends deciding what matters to you and what you find fun during the holidays. For her, the annual white‑elephant game with close friends is a favorite because it allows for laughter and genuine connection through vulnerability.

Key Takeaways

• Focus on “connection over perfection” to reduce holiday stress.
• Long‑term research links strong relationships to better health outcomes later in life.
• Simple actions, like serving platters instead of elaborate meals, can foster deeper bonds.

The story first appeared on TODAY.com, alongside other holiday‑related pieces such as “Always Gain Weight Over the Holidays? 5 Simple Ways to Break the Cycle,” “Why It’s Important to Set Boundaries This Holiday Season,” and “Shop These Festive Finds to Take Stress Out of Holiday Hosting.”